Get a New Groove and Change Old Habits

Amy’s Story

Amy, an attractive and intelligent 32-year-old, had been in traditional talk therapy and had worked on many issues that had interfered in her life and in her relationships. She had a successful career, she was financially secure, she had lots of friends, and overall, she was very satisfied with her life. The one thing that puzzled Amy was why she couldn’t find a romantic partner.

Amy talked with one of her friends and told her how she was feeling very frustrated: not only did she not understand why she couldn’t meet a romantic partner, but she was also experiencing frustration and dissatisfaction in her friendships. She would leave phone messages for her friends and wouldn’t get a call back right away. Amy told her friend that she thought this was really disrespectful. “They could at least call me back and let me know that they are busy.”

Amy admitted that she felt really isolated and lonely, “like a loser,” and wondered whether there might be something wrong with her.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Amy began to put two and two together. She had heard many times in many different ways from friends as well as lovers that they often felt suffocated by her, and some had even referred to her as somewhat “stalker-ish.” Amy was offended by this feedback yet was ready to begin to take a look at what others were reflecting.

Ignorance is Bliss, Isn’t It?

She had talked about it all in her talk therapy sessions and she became more aware of this pattern when it was happening. But her behavior didn’t change. She began to feel increasingly frustrated because she thought that with awareness would come change. Feeling somewhat defeated, she figured that she might as well just stay ignorant rather than being painfully aware without anything changing.

But, Isn’t Awareness the First Step to Change?

Yes, but often times, as in Amy’s case, awareness just isn’t enough. Sometimes even going beyond awareness of a pattern or behavior to understanding it still isn’t enough to promote change.

And this is where the limitations of talk therapy become apparent.

Why Are Certain Things Harder to Change Than Others?

The answer to this question relates to the subconscious mind, which is exactly what is accessed in hypnotherapy.

Let’s Look Inside the Subconscious to the Nervous System

Our autonomic system, responsible for telling our hearts to beat and our lungs to breathe, is located in the subconscious. It is because of this system that we don’t have to think (conscious mind), “Oops! Gotta take a breath now!” or “Time for another heart beat!” Fortunately, this is all taken care of by our subconscious-automatically. Everything that is done for our benefit, originates in our subconscious. And, our subconscious always has our best interest as its main concern.

It’s Habitual

Habits, by definition, are those repetitive behaviors that we do “without thinking,” and therefore, they are held in the subconscious. This is exactly why Amy couldn’t significantly change her behavior/habits with talk therapy: she was thinking and gaining awareness about her behaviors, both functions of the conscious mind.

So, How Do We Make Significant Change in Our Habits and/or Patterns?

Most habits are deeply embedded in the subconscious. Often the causes of those habits are rooted in childhood, when the conscious mind has not yet fully developed. What happens is that, at an early age, a groove or pathway is created in the subconscious mind, through which information then travels. The more that information travels down the groove, the more worn and “habitual” it gets. This groove is called a neural pathway.

Hypnotherapy, a technique that bypasses the conscious, thinking mind and accesses the subconscious emotional, creative mind allows the client to access these pathways and uncover the causes that drive the behavior of the habits.

How Does Hypnotherapy Change a Pathway That’s Been There Since Childhood?

In hypnotherapy, the conscious mind takes a break while the client and hypnotherapist work with and in the subconscious mind. However, what should be noted, and is of great importance, the conscious mind is still very much present during the session. It is like a silent witness to the subconscious process at hand.

Once a habit/pattern is identified and worked with, the hypnotherapist can then use techniques derived from NLP. Since the subconscious is susceptible to suggestions, (and recall from above that the subconscious only will accept suggestions that are in the best interest and health of the individual), the therapist can make healthy, age-appropriate suggestions to the client. This, in turn, creates a new neural pathway, which creates new behaviors and patterns. What results is that the old, dated neural pathway is usurped by a new, more positive one.

Now, in a Past Life Soul Regression (PLSR) session, it has been found that the hypnotherapist does not necessarily need to make any suggestions; just accessing and becoming aware of a habit/pattern stuck in the past in the sub- or super-conscious and making it conscious creates a new neural pathway, which promotes healing.

Getting Back to Amy

So, Amy came in for a hypnotherapy session, wanting to work on what others termed, “suffocating” and a bit obsessive behaviors. She identified a current situation where she felt that this might be occurring.

While still operating from her conscious mind, she spoke about a male friend of hers, John, with whom she had been intimate one night. She explained how she enjoyed his company, how they always have fun together when they go out, and how she had wanted to make sure that all was still “cool” after their “escapade.” She said that she had given him a call two days afterwards, saying “hi” and asking him to call her back when he had a minute. “That,” she said, “was three weeks ago!”

She then admitted that she had called him about a week after she had left that message, to see whether he wanted to hang out. She added, “He hasn’t emailed or called or anything since we hooked up! That’s just rude!”

Amy said that she was angry because she felt like he thought she wanted something more than a friendship, when she really didn’t. “It’s not fair. He’s making an assumption that isn’t true. I don’t feel like he understands or sees me for who I really am or what I really want. I just want to have a conversation with him!”

As Amy spoke about this, I noticed how she raised her tone of voice, her breathing quickened and she seemed almost desperate. I pointed these things out and she said, “Yeah. It’s so weird but on some level, convincing him that I’m not how or who he thinks I am feels almost like life-or-death.”

We began the session and once in a relaxed state, Amy not only was aware of the anger she felt around this situation, but also got in touch with the anxiety around convincing him that his perception of her was wrong. I had her express both of those emotions and then asked her to go back to the source of feeling angry and anxious about being misperceived.

After a moment, Amy said that she saw herself dressed in a black dress with white trim; she was running through a forest. “I’m in Salem.”

It was evident to me at this point that she had spontaneously accessed a past life.

She said that she was running away from the men with weapons. She was feeling panicked. “They are coming after me because they think I’m a witch. But I’m not! They don’t understand me and won’t believe a word I say! Their minds are made up. They’re going to kill me!”

Then she said that the men had caught her and brought her to the town square: “I’m tied up on this pedestal and all the townspeople are in a circle around me.” She said that the townspeople were yelling at her, calling her all sorts of names, and were throwing stones at her. “They are going to hang me.”

I asked her how she was feeling and she said, “I realize how I have spent my life, this life in Salem, always feeling anxious and angry; always trying so hard to convince others that they had it all wrong-that who they were seeing me as was not who I really was. Now at this point, here in the town square, I know that there is absolutely nothing more I can do. I feel a sense of surrender. My struggle is over.”

Amy painlessly experienced her death in the life she had accessed and then was in a soul state. There, she had a new-found perspective: “I cannot convince others of anything they are not ready to hear. I just need to be who I am and if they see me and understand me, then great. If not, it is not up to me to take their blinders off. I just have to live my life and stop wasting my energy on others who just don’t get me.” She then added, “Now I totally get why it felt like life-or-death to convince John that he had me all wrong!”

This is where Amy re-created her neural pathway!

A couple weeks after this session, Amy reported feeling remarkably different in her relationships with both the men and the women in her life. “I no longer feel any of the anxiety that was behind my incessant phone calls. And I no longer waste my time with people who I just don’t connect with. I feel so free. It’s great!”

In Summary

We have discussed how habits and/or patterns can be identified and talked about in traditional talk therapy, but because they are housed in the subconscious, are resistant to change. Neural pathways were explained as a component of the subconscious and how they are accessed in hypnotherapy using concepts derived from NLP. We then saw how Amy worked with her issue of anger and anxiety by accessing the source of her pattern in a past life. We thus gained knowledge of how the subconscious by way of hypnotherapy can be your greatest ally in your quest for success and self-improvement.

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